Prayerful Pondering

by Pat Luffman Rowland

  • I love the still quietness of early morning. All seems best with my world at that time of day and it is then that I spend time with God. I need this first thing because I know if I don’t do it first, it likely won’t get done at all, and I need His guidance throughout my day. I protect myself as best I can from distractions, yet the minute I settle into my reading chair, one of my cats, Samantha, begins pacing from side to side looking for lap space. For the longest, it annoyed me and I would push her away. This was my time, I wanted focus, and her need for attention complicated that.

    Samantha beside the kitty toys
    Samantha beside the kitty toys

    One morning it occurred to me that I wasn’t appreciating the importance of Samantha’s need. Siamese cats are very people-oriented. They can do without feline relationship but they need humans. So, I decided to change my attitude. Rather than being frustrated with Samantha’s determination to be in my lap, I would make her welcome and see if we could reach a compromise on the first moments of the day.

    Samantha led me easily into the routine she wanted: a kiss on top of her head, followed by a little scratching around her ears and chin. Her eyes stare dead into mine as I croon to her how special she is.  I rub the sides of her face and she leans into my hand to get the full benefit of pressure massage. After a few concentrated minutes of attention, Samantha is satisfied enough to leave my lap and go on with her day so that I can get on with mine. By considering her needs as also important and making a slight adustment, we both now have frustration-free mornings.

    Samantha at about 5 weeks
    Samantha at about 5 weeks

    Samantha depends on my love for her, just as I depend on God’s for me. She needs to trust my availability, just as I trust God’s for me. We are actually seeking the same things: time, trust and relationship. One thing for sure, God never pushes me away, annoyed with my wanting time with Him, and it was that reflection that caused me to rethink how I wanted to respond to Samantha.

    There is a bigger lesson here: Often times, things seem problematic when they don’t have to be. Sometimes all it takes is looking at a problem from another perspective. When we loosen the grip on our need enough to respect another’s as being just as important, good, workable solutions can be found.

    ‘Love is patient and kind . . .  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV).

    “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:24 ESV).

  • Yesterday our pastor told about a man in our church family who went in to have an upper body x-ray, and for whatever reason, the x-ray camera was positioned lower than it should have been. Because of the error, an abdominal mass was found. There had been no symptoms of cancer in his body and except for the misalignment of the x-ray machine, the malignancy would have gone undetected.

    The daughter of a close friend wasn’t even a year out from her first breast cancer surgery when she felt a lump under her arm while showering.  She had been closely monitored by several specialists yet she was the one who discovered a cancerous node. One physician told her he was amazed she could feel it.

    The husband of another friend repeatedly had high PSA’s indicating the likelihood of prostate cancer.  There were several biopsies and none disclosed malignancy. Even so, he couldn’t let go of concern and decided to go to a cancer center for a more extensive biopsy. An aggressive form of cancer was found and had, in fact, escaped the walls of the prostate.

    Two years ago I had surgery to remove a cancer from my face.  For more than a year I had been anxious about two tiny black spots below my eye. I had the area checked three times by two different dermatologists and told the spots were nothing to worry about.  Then a cosmetologist saw them and strongly urged me to get another opinion. I went to yet a third dermatologist who biopsied and diagnosed a melanoma, the worst of all skin cancers.

    As I thought about these four different scenarios, it didn’t cause me to lose faith in physicians. Rather, I saw it as the sure evidence of God’s hand in the lives of His children. He took over where man was limited: He acted through an ill-positioned x-ray, guided a young woman’s hand, prompted a cosmetologist to speak out assertively, and kept concern gnawing until the right tests were completed.

    The healing miracles of Jesus’ day were dramatic. The lame were made to walk, the blind to see, a woman bent over for 18 years made to stand erect, the dead were raised. There was no subtlety about any of those healings. Yet I would say to you the situations I’ve described are no less miracles.  Where highly skilled physicians missed disease, The Great Physician, Jesus, stepped in and called disease out.

    Does this interceding happen every time? No, not as far as we can see. However, I do believe it happens far more times than we realize and certainly more times than we ever give God credit. It is never wrong to pray for the sudden miracle occurrences of Jesus’ day, but we should not fail to see His healings of today that only need a closer look.

    Each person in this story had a good outcome and good prognosis. Jesus is never late.  To God be all glory!

  • samantha and chloeSamantha, my 13 year old Siamese, had surgery 10 days ago to remove a cyst over her left eye. Samantha has always been an easily frightened cat and taking her to the vet is never easy for either one of us. But the cyst had been growing slowly over the past several months and it was time to have it removed before it got any closer to her eye.

    I had dreaded this from the time we set the surgery date. I dreaded it because I knew it would traumatize Samantha and there was no way I could explain it to her. She is a house cat and used to being spoiled, not having unpleasant things happen to her. I had to take up her food and water the night before surgery and that meant no breakfast. She would be placed in a carrier (which spells “vet visit”), left alone in a place that frightened her, and wake up unable to stand steadily on her feet, and probably hurting. This morning’s return visit to have stitches removed meant more of the same. Samantha should not have pain this time, but it will require being sedated again because she is so out of control with fear that they would never be able to remove the stitches otherwise.

    I am a sucker for animals and can’t bear to see them experience pain. I do everything I can to keep my own cats from being frightened or harmed and it hurt to have to put Samantha through the surgery and all that went with it even when it is for her well being.

    On the way home from the vet’s office, I began to think of a personal parallel. There are times I don’t understand why things happen the way they do in my own life. This is especially so when I have fervently prayed about something and the answer isn’t what I had hoped. I’m sure if cats knew how to pray, Samantha would have asked to not have the surgery. She would have prayed according to her immediate needs: no fright, no pain, and no confusion. But to have delayed the unpleasantness of surgery would have caused her greater suffering in the long run. I can see that; she cannot. When God answer my prayers differently than I pray, it is the same thing; He sees what I cannot. He knows what will be best for me in the long run, and for that I am most grateful.  Grateful that He cares enough to sometimes withhold immediate blessings for ones of greater and more lasting value.

    Scriptures that comfort when waiting for answers:

    “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8)

     “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.  (Romans 8:28)

  • When I worked in a hospital, we sometimes had meetings over lunch for educational purposes. I have often thought of one speaker in particular, a counselor from our Behavioral Health facility, an off-campus care center for treating drug and alcohol addictions. The counselor, who had once been addicted to drugs, explained what it was like to be bound by obsessive cravings that served only to destroy one’s life. She said the addicted person had to hit bottom before he or she would turn their life around.

    The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 is a story about hitting bottom. Perhaps the rebellious son was addicted to greed and pleasure. At his pleading, his father gave him his share of inheritance that rightfully would not have been his until after his father’s death. Immediately, the son went away and quickly squandered a fortune. He all too soon found himself with nothing, not even necessary food for living. He had hit bottom!

    The parable of the Prodigal Son is a picture of our Father God and how he responds to His children—us—no matter what self-orchestrated bottom we hit. He never stops loving us and He is always on watch for His confused, wayward child to return to Him.

    Addiction of any kind is a demanding and jealous master; I don’t know that any addiction can be broken outside the power of God’s love.  It is His love that gives strength when we have none.  It is His love that puts the right people in our path to help us find our way out of an all-consuming habit. It is His love that never gives up on us—and that steadfastness gives us hope that we can be restored and the courage to begin.

    When the Prodigal Son set off from home, he was dizzy with high expectations for a life of sheer pleasure. However, it didn’t turn out that way. His frivolity became his downfall and he was soon unable to take care of even his basic needs. When he returned to his father in abject poverty, his greatest hope was to be treated as a servant so that he might have food to live. But the Father met with delight and compassion this wayward son (Luke 15:20), certainly not what the Son who had hit bottom expected.

    The account of the Prodigal Son is the story of anyone who willfully chooses to worship anything but God. Finding oneself in a pit of shame and guilt, we may ask “Will God take me back?” And the answer is a resounding yes! When we take the first step toward God, the step of repentance, our Father comes quickly to meet us. Not to condemn, but to welcome us home. He will reward our decision to trust Him with compassion and healing.

    Turn, O LORD, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.  

    Psalm 6:4 (ESV)

  • It’s spreading like a sudden fire in a dry forest. A one word focus for the New Year rather than a list of resolutions most of us never keep. My word of focus came without thinking twice. The word is “love.”

    I choose “love” because the ones I have admired most are those who have loved best. They have understood the way of God’s love, that it is unconditional and abundant. They embrace it and let it spill onto others. They embody a joy and ease with life that tells me they know the secret to contented, purposeful living.

    People who love well have an aura about them that speaks good will. They seem to move effortlessly through life, content with the simpler things, unhampered by the world’s bounty.  I see them as vessels filled with God’s love, ever ready to spill out onto the lonely, the heartbroken, the guilt-ridden, the insecure, the anxious, the frightened, the grieving, the young and the old. They truly care about all God’s creations and caring seems for them as natural as breathing.

    They don’t hide behind busyness or judge anyone as being unworthy. These people have learned the joy of being fixed on God’s love and not the world about them. They don’t love for recognition or reward, but for the simple pleasure of caring.

    So in 2015 my word of focus is “love.” I want to love more and better. And the best way I know to do that is to pitch my tent around the Book of Love in new ways. Read scriptures as if for the first time and think about how to implement what I am reading as an action of God’s love. It is one thing to know about God’s love and yet another to live that love. I want to do a lot more of the latter.

    And we know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. –1 John 4:16 (NKJV)

  • As they slowly walked the aisle to the place where they would kneel to receive communion, the father would bend down from time to time and whisper to his little girl. She would nod understandingly, holding close to his side. Then when a place was made available for them to kneel, they went forward and did so, the father again speaking quietly with his child.

    The pastor moved to them with a loaf of bread and cup of wine (grape juice) and for what was probably her first time, she took the sacraments and received the grace of our Lord. As Jesus instructed that we do (Luke 22:19), this sweet child took part in remembering Jesus and the sacrifice of His blood that redeems us.  Father and daughter lingered for a moment with heads bowed, then slowly rose and made their way back to where their journey had begun.

    It has been ten or more years, but I remember those tender moments as if they happened only yesterday. Watching that young father point the way for his daughter to a relationship with our Lord was a memory worth holding onto. And if it held fast in my memory, how even more it would have held in that small child’s. She would remember that her dad lived out Proverbs 22:6 which says “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (NIV). I witnessed the Word of God in action.

  • There was a problem at the store’s point of check out. The line of waiting customers stalled and those nearest her were subjected to a loud woman intent on drawing a customer right behind her into conversation. At first I was annoyed by her rudeness and grateful we had this one person between us. But without any way not to hear, I soon became interested in what she was saying—and even more interested in how the beleaguered customer, held captive by her position in line, was reacting.

    The loud lady, it seemed, had just moved back to Memphis from New York City. She had discovered that in New York people were much more open to various religious beliefs. She found Memphians were very behind the times, not open at all. She stated emphatically that it really didn’t matter what you believed just as long as you believed in something–a higher power of some kind. I watched as the woman sandwiched between us chose not to respond. The silence provoked the loud lady to try harder.

    “I was brought up in a faith where you were encouraged not to read the Bible for yourself and when I finally tried it, I didn’t like the Old Testament so I only read the New Testament– if I read the Bible at all. The Old Testament is filled with things I don’t like to hear. It’s awful.” Finally a response: “It is all the same story and you need to read it all.” The loud lady began again, “I don’t attend church, there’s no need to when there are so many preachers on television. The one I really like is (a well-known pastor) because he talks only about good things; he’s the one who has it right.” The captive lady shook her head. The loud lady said, “What’s wrong with him?” “You are being conned; life doesn’t work that way. He isn’t preaching the whole truth” said the captive. That response provoked the loud lady to defend the “everything is wonderful” pastor, by saying with a quick nod of her head, “I believe he is right and that’s what I’m choosing to believe.” The captive lady softly responded just this once more but she preached a sermon: “And someday life will be over for all of us and some will be surprised to learn that it isn’t okay to believe whatever you choose.”

    Thankfully, the register began working again and the loud lady was soon checked out. She turned to the lady behind her and said “Nice talking to you” and received a kind smile.

    To hear the testimony from the lady in front of me was worth the wait and the aggravation of a too loud and determined to be heard customer. In a very few words, the lady who was somewhat ambushed had responded kindly and well. She chose her words and times to speak very carefully and there was never an argumentative tone. I want to think that this unhappy-to-be-back-in-Memphis lady is as open as she believes herself to be and will think about what she heard. I hope she will decide to read the Bible searchingly and choose for herself what is truth. It is far too important a decision to allow others to make for you.

  • The words of my morning devotional stood bold before me: “Unity doesn’t depend on outward conformity, but understanding hearts.” It was an apt description of my Tuesday morning prayer group.  Outwardly, we are quite different: different personalities, different backgrounds, different in many ways. But there is commonality that unifies us, and that is love for the Lord and belief in the power of prayer.

    This is a ladies intercessory prayer group, about 24 strong most Tuesdays. Room 144 of my church is the designated prayer room.  This sanctuary for devoted prayer is a place saturated with worship and faith and there we find the sure presence of the Holy Spirit. We pray for one another, but our primary reason for gathering is to pray for others. As we feel prompted to pray, we approach the throne of grace with that petition. We try never to forget to pray for our nation and its healing. We anoint with oil and lay hands on any who comes to us struggling with a heavy load. If there is a special need from one who cannot be there, one of us will stand in for that person while the group forms a circle round about.

    The uniqueness of our group is that most of us share no quantity of time outside the prayer room and some never see another member outside Tuesday morning. Yet, when we meet in Room 144, we are family. We care about one another and the need for concentrated prayer. As my morning devotional said, we join together with understanding hearts. It is this that makes us a solid unit.

     “Have fervent love for one another.” 1 Peter 4:8 NKJV

  • This is another story from patient representative days, first published in my December 1988 department report to physicians and hospital staff, then later in the Memphis Healthcare News. It is a smile maker and I hope you will enjoy it.

    There are particular patient memories I hold fast because of a patient’s special courage, kindness, even wit. Mr. Simpson is one of those. In his 60’s, he had an extreme fear of contracting AIDS. When he was admitted to our hospital, his wife came armed with her own can of Lysol and as soon as he was in a room, she went about cleaning the bathroom and telephone again—just to be sure.

    Mr. and Mrs. Simpson enjoyed one of those marriages that was sheer delight to observe. As we got to know each other, she told me of how they had both had previous marriages that came apart in the early 1940’s. She said her first husband left to get a haircut one day and just never came back. So the second husband, Mr. Simpson, made her go with him every time he went for a haircut for six years! Then she laughed that happy, throaty laugh of hers and you could picture how that happened over and over.

    One day he decided he would leave a little test for the housekeepers by putting a tiny piece of paper in each corner of the bathroom. He chuckled telling me about it and said he was happy to say the housekeeper passed his test. His daughter added that the housekeeper should have left the scraps of paper with one word written on each: (1) I’ve (2) cleaned (3) this (4) bathroom.

    After discharge, the patient would return for blood transfusions. One day, as the patient, his wife and I crossed paths in the lobby, we stopped for quick hugs and updates. Mr. Simpson said they had to hurry along because “I’ve just been given the blood of an 18-year-old and I want to get my wife right home.”

    Those were some of the fun memories, but there is another memory that tugs at my heart and it happened shortly after his diagnosis of lung cancer. This beautiful human being, full of love and wit, called in all of his grandchildren to talk to them. Their ages ranged from twelve to mid-twenties. Mr. Simpson told them he wanted to be serious with them just for a minute. He explained his condition and that he knew his long years of smoking were to blame. He said, “Granddaddy should be up playing with you now and not lying in this bed. If I had taken care of my body, I would be doing that. So I want you to promise me, while each of you still has a healthy body, to respect it and take care of it. Don’t ever be foolish enough to put yourself where I am now.” With that, he dismissed the time for serious conversation and became, once again, the life of the party.

    Certainly there were times when the Simpsons proved difficult for hospital staff as they struggled to hold on to the months of life he had left. But not a one of us would have put a single mark against such a courageous man and woman. This was a couple who helped us laugh when their hearts were breaking, who held close to each other and taught us lessons about love and commitment. If we had a hall with pictures of favorite patients, I’m pretty sure they would make the gallery by unanimous vote.

  • This is dedicated to the memory of Wendell Smith, who grew up across the street from my grandparents and loved my grandmother like his own, and was loved by her in the same way. Wendell called her Mama Dulcie just like the rest of us, and it was he who preached her funeral in 1991.

    Dulcie Pauline Cotton Spencer had a way about her. A way that was warm, inviting, accepting of every person for just who they were. She was the best example of Christ’s love I’ve ever known. She knew Him well and loved Jesus with reverence and solid trust.

    One of my earliest childhood memories of my grandmother is how she prayed on her knees every night at bedtime. With her braided hair unwound from atop her head and falling down her back over her homemade white gown, she spoke to the Lord. As an adult, I remember the many times I walked into her house and into her conversations with Jesus. He was her constant companion.

    As a small child of barefoot summers, I remember the pain of getting a sizeable splinter in my foot and how Mama Dulcie placed a small piece of fat meat over the wound and wrapped it with a rag torn from a clean, but worn thin, pillowcase. (Repurposing, we call it now.) The splinter eased itself out. As an older child, I remember afternoons that she sent me to the garden for a fresh head of lettuce. I would wash it and then stand beside her and watch as she poured hot bacon grease over the lettuce, turning it into a wilted salad.

    She was a cook that no would could top. I don’t suppose her kitchen ever knew a day without bowls of vegetables and platters of meat and a dessert of some kind. She loved cooking and loved even more sharing it with others. It was a delight to my grandparents for someone—anyone—to stop by for the noon meal. No need to call, food was always plentiful at the Spencer house. Chicken and dumplings was the grandchildren’s favorite and the dish she prepared regularly for friends and neighbors. In a small town, when someone is sick, you take care of them and their families with food. In my kitchen, I have a framed copy of Mama’s recipe for chicken and dumplings from the Medina Baptist Church cookbook. It was written just like she would verbally give it to you and what a treasure that is! “Use a good chicken” is one of the instructions. (For you of today’s generation, that means select a plump young hen big enough to feed several people.)

    Mama Dulcie had fourteen children. Seven born to her and seven who married into the family—she and Papa knew no difference. There were sixteen grandchildren and I’ve lost count of the great-grands. Love flowed so naturally from Dulcie Spencer. Just like Jesus, she had no favorites; yet she loved with such abundance, that I think each one of us felt like we were her favorite.

    Mama Dulcie took life seriously and she took her “soaps” seriously. It was a mystery to me that a woman so pure could enjoy stories that even in the 50s were a bit racy. Her favorite was “As the World Turns” and when the marriage of fictional characters Bob and Lisa became troubled, Mama wrote to Lisa. She told her about wrong and right and encouraged her to mend her ways. Are you smiling? Well, Lisa wrote back—I have the letter! She thanked Mama for writing to her and for her advice. But as I recall, Lisa continued to be a bit of a wild child, likely a great disappointment to my grandmother.

    Mama Dulcie sang when she ironed, when she cooked, when she mopped the floors, pretty much all the time.  “In the Sweet By and By” and “When the Roll is Called Up Yonder” are two of the hymns I remember most—and she sang only hymns. She loved to paint and her pie safes had more coats of white paint than one could count. My mother, Mama’s firstborn, said Mama would rather paint than dust. There was just something about a fresh coat of white paint that made her very happy.

    My grandmother was a gentle soul. She was kind and generous. She knew how to love and chose to see only the best in everyone, and this brings me to a story about Wendell Smith that he told me a few years before he died. While Mama and Papa were at church, Wendell, just a little boy at the time, went into their house (doors weren’t locked then) and into the kitchen and there saw the banana pudding Mama Dulcie had left on the counter to cool. He set the whole bowl of pudding in the middle of the floor and with a big spoon dug in. He said my grandmother’s only words about it were “Bless his heart, he must have been hungry.” Someone else might have been annoyed, even angry, but not this sweet lady.

    One other memory given me by Wendell was this: “The Sunday before I announced my call into the ministry I gave my testimony, then Bro. John Pippin preached about five minutes and gave the invitation. It was during the invitation that six people responded giving their lives to Christ. During the invitation Mama Dulcie got up, walked up the aisle and got Bruce and Bryan (two of her grandchildren) and with one on one side and one on the other she brought them down the aisle and to Christ. Such was her faith that she wanted her grandchildren to be saved.”

    I think I want to close with that memory. It says who she was. A woman who loved her family and her Lord and made sure the two were connected. She was the wisest woman I ever knew.

    Mama and me 001