Prayerful Pondering

by Pat Luffman Rowland

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I don’t remember a time I didn’t believe in God or know that Jesus was His Son and our Savior, but I made my profession of faith and was baptized at age 12. I’ll never forget the experience of understanding I was the Lord’s! The sun became ten times brighter and it was as if I could hear angels singing. It was a supremely joyful moment. And I can still “see” my immersion baptism in the small Baptist church as if I were looking on. With certainty and gratitude, I can declare that God has never failed me, even though I have failed Him many times over. God has blessed me with family and friends, opportunities and health, freedom and education. He has been ever faithful and I look forward to the day when I can bow at the feet of Jesus and thank Him for His unconditional love that has made all the difference. I have an undergraduate degree in Healthcare Consumer Relations and a master’s in Religious Studies. In 1990, I received the designation of Fellow with the National Society of Patient Representation and Consumer Affairs of the American Hospital Association. I worked for 27 years in healthcare, retiring as Corporate Director of Patient Affairs with Methodist Healthcare in Memphis, TN in 1998. A major part of my career was teaching about patient concerns and needs, their rights, and ethical matters of healthcare. I taught through writing, as well as speaking from coast to coast. For several years, I authored a byline, Patient Perspective, for a healthcare journal. Other publications include Tennessee Hospital Association newsletter, Marketing Perspective, nursing and pharmacy newsletters. I received a writing award from the American Hospital Association in 1990. There are three things in my life that I count the most rewarding: my work with the mentally challenged from 1978-1983, my healthcare days establishing and directing patient advocacy for a large healthcare system, and my present work as a reading tutor. Most of my writings at present are devotional in nature. Devotional publications include Upper Room, Presbyterian Daily, and on my church website, www.famemphis.net. I am retired and live in a suburb of Memphis with my cat Chloe. My daughter and son-in-law, Kristi and Mark Hearn, live in Georgia and are the delights of my heart. Additionally, I am blessed with a spiritual family, Son (Tim) and Hien-Anh (Hannah) Le, their children, Rachel, Rebecca, and Esther, and Hannah’s mother, Phuong Hong. I am active in my church, First Assembly Memphis, and tutor second graders at First Assembly Christian School (FACS).

  • Saying Goodbye to Grandma

    From 1984 to 1998, I worked closely with patients, family members and their health care providers at Methodist Healthcare in Memphis. For most of those years, I wrote the stories of some of the people I met in those patient rooms and critical care waiting rooms. The following is taken from a story published in 1989 and the name of the husband has been changed. 

    Mr. Markle, the husband of a patient who died in our hospital two months ago, came to see me last week. He stopped by to let me know how he and his family were doing after the death of his wife. A very close family, they stayed near wife, mother and grandmother for those weeks before her death.

    Mr. Markle said his wife told him the morning he brought her to the hospital that she would die there and she was ready to go. She had battled illness for 15 years.

    Those weeks in the hospital the family would gather daily to share a devotional reading. The morning she died, the devotional was on death and the willingness to peacefully give to God sick and hurting loved ones.  One of the daughters remarked how significant the devotional was for that day.

    Mr. Markle said the very hardest thing for him during his wife’s illness was a conversation he had with his five-year old granddaughter. With tears in his eyes, he told me this story:

    “Papa, I love you and I love Grandma. And I love God most of all. Isn’t that right, Papa, to love God most of all?” “Yes, honey, it is.” “I know God doesn’t want Grandma to be sick and He will do what’s best for her.”

    That little girl’s words paved the way for another tough conversation just days later when Mr. Markle decided to tell his two young granddaughters (the other was eight) about their grandmother’s imminent death.  He took the girls into one of our chapels and placed them on either side of him, then asked the youngest if she remembered what she had said about God doing what was best for their grandmother. She did. He told them that he thought God was going to take Grandma to be with Him so she wouldn’t have to be sick anymore. They nodded their heads and bravely accepted his words.

    What Mr. Markle did for those little girls was a courageous gift. By telling them what the rest of the family knew, he showed respect for their need to know. That kept the little girls from feeling isolated and afraid, as often happens with children when loved ones die.

    I was with the family the morning Mrs. Markle died—they called for me to come. What a privilege it was to be with them as they said their goodbyes. Though they were sad, there was a very strong sense of peace about each one. I saw, and the nursing staff saw, their powerful witness of faith. But most of all, two little girls witnessed their parents and grandfather’s way of dealing with death, and they understood that Grandma going home to God wasn’t the end, just a temporary separation.

    praying3

  • Who I Really Am

    Ravi Zacharias says there are three of each of us: There is who the world thinks we are, who we think we are, and who Gods knows us to be.  I am so grateful for that last one—who God knows me to be.

    One of the quickest ways for me to fall flat on my face is to state with all boldness and certainty I will never do a particular thing.  That thing might by to repeat a past mistake, it may be some way I’ve seen another fail, or it may be some wrong behavior I know can happen but cannot imagine myself ever doing.

    As my life has unfolded, I’ve worked to keep my mouth tightly closed about the nevers of life, for I identify with Paul in Romans 7:18-19: For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 

    Throughout life, I have by nature been a survivor. I’ve worked hard and long hours to get whatever needed to be done, done. As an adult in my 40’s, I had to put my survivor skills into action and through that time, I came to believe I could do just about anything if I had to do it, and if there was enough fire burning inside me to get it done. I also learned that I was a perfectionist and it took a while to recognize that wasn’t a good thing but a very unhealthy way to go about life. However, it was the discipline of that trait that helped me move from survivor to one who accomplished well.

    But none of that matters when it comes to living in the Lord’s strength. I can determine whatever I want to determine but if the Lord is not the one who guides and supplies, all will crumble about me. I hear Paul’s struggle with right and wrong and identify with his frustration and self-disappointment.

    I have learned to do this: When someone else judges me, I ask myself who I am judging. When I hear about someone else’s mistake that I think I could never do, I say there but for the grace of God go I. When I do a wrong—or repeat one—I thank God that He knows me in a way that I do not even know myself and that is the me He loves.

  • Lauren and Ruth

    On Thursdays, I tutor second grade girls in reading. The school where I tutor is an arm of our church and Bible is part of the curriculum. The time I spend with the girls allows for some chit-chat where I can get to know them better, and I admit this is my favorite part. I enjoy getting to know their different personalities and interests.

    One day as Lauren and I talked about her favorite things, I asked for her favorite story in the Bible. She quickly responded that it was Ruth.  I asked her to tell me the story and she gave one of the best detailed accounts I’ve ever heard. Any Bible teacher would be proud. I asked Lauren where she had learned so much about Ruth and she said from Mrs. Cleek (her classroom teacher).

    I have worked with Mrs. Cleek for three years. It is a joy to watch her involve her students in learning. She approaches all of it with enthusiasm, bringing about their anticipation of a wonderful adventure. I saw the results of all this in Lauren. She had not only been complete in her recall of the Bible story, but had told it with such excitement.

    I wondered why it was the story of Ruth that had captured Lauren’s heart so. I thought over what I knew about Lauren personally and realized there were certain parallels in this little girl’s life with that of Ruth. Like Ruth, Lauren put others before herself. She was respectful, kind, always looking out for others.  It was no surprise when at the end of the school year, Lauren’s classmates voted her “Most Christ-like.” I believe Lauren had been drawn to Ruth because she found in her a kindred spirit. And she saw the reward of such behavior because Mrs. Cleek had pointed out what a happy ending the story had.

    Most of us have an opportunity at some time in our life to teach a child a character-building Bible story. We can bring forth a Ruth, Hannah, Daniel or David with enthusiasm and help a child to see someone to emulate, possibly someone they already share budding likeness to, and we can make sure they know the rewarding outcome of the stories we tell. We need to make them come alive and so attractive to little ones that they cherish them in their hearts as ways to live. Proverb 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (KJV)”

  • The Gethsemane Experience

    Read Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14: 32-42, Luke 22:39-46

    The first three gospels give the account of Jesus’ last time in prayer as a free man. There are subtle variances, yet by reading all three reports we have the best picture of Jesus’ time in the garden of Gethsemane. It may be here that Jesus felt more loneliness and disappointment than any other time, outside that moment on the cross when He called out to the Father He thought had forsaken Him (see Matthew 27:45-46 or Mark 16:33-34).

    Of all His disciples, Jesus had shared the most with Peter, James and John.  He had befriended them in a deeper way, shared more of His heart and miracles. And as He prepared for His torturous death just ahead, He asked that these three be with Him to give comfort and support. So Jesus took them further into the garden than the other disciples and there He asked that they shield Him as He prayed, and to pray while he prayed. His anguish was severe and Luke 22:44 says when Jesus prayed about what was about to come upon Him, His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground. But instead of providing the comfort and support the Lord desired, his friends slept. They deserted the Lord in this time of His soul’s great misery.

    Jesus-in-Gethsemane-590

    There are so many lessons in the Garden of Gethsemane story, but two stand out for me this Easter season. First, Luke 22:45 says the disciples slept because they were exhausted from sorrow. That gives me a clearer picture of their behavior. I don’t believe their sleeping was from lack of concern for Jesus but from deep depression.  It is common for people who are depressed to escape overwhelming sadness by sleeping. It is a coping mechanism. Three times the Lord returned to them and each time found them sleeping.  It wasn’t right, but it was how they managed their fear, desperation and sadness.

    The second thing brought to focus in the Gethsemane experience is this: while we can never depend on man in all situations, we can depend on God in all situations. Luke 22:43 says the Father supplied an angel to strengthen the Lord. In the times of our loneliness and despair, we too have a Father to send help man cannot give. Though man may be limited in understanding and ability to help, God never is.

    Father, every word of scripture is a story of life and a lesson in managing our time on earth. May the Gethsemane experience of Jesus sink deep into our minds and hearts, consoling us in our failures and giving hope in times of need. Through Jesus, You provided a way of grace that we might endure and complete our journey home. Your sacrifice, and His, became our victory. May we give new praise and honor this Easter for the one who endured both Gethsemane and the cross.  To our Lord and Savior Jesus be all glory!  

    (Artist name unknown, source is Bing, Garden of Gethsemane)

  • God Is Always Faithful

    And Israel said to Joseph, I never expected to see your face; and behold, God has let me see your offspring also. Gen 48:11 RSV

    I cannot help but think of how the years without Joseph must have been for Israel (first called Jacob). Joseph was the son of his beloved Rachel, the woman he loved from first sight. Joseph brought Israel more joy than any of his other children, and at a very young age this favored son was taken. How Israel must have grieved! How he must have said like many who have lost a child, if I could only see him one more time.

    The ending to the story is a happy one for Israel for something he never dreamed of happens. His son Joseph is restored to him, along with Joseph’s children. What an inconceivable blessing for an old man who thought his son was dead.

    Over my lifetime, I’ve come to see how like God this is. When God hears the longings of our hearts and responds, it seems to me the blessings are always greater than imagined. In the harshest of trials, I have learned to be confident. The end will come in God’s timing and with the end will be more blessing than I could ever know to ask.

    In the toughest trial of my life, there were moments when I wondered if it would ever be over. But as tough as it was, I never stopped loving God or believing in Him. That trial kept me seeking God in every possible way and place, and that alone added good things to my life. When the trial was finally over, I could look back and see the rich and abundant blessings poured out on this unworthy person. I saw the crooks and turns, the hills and valleys, that brought me to a deeper faith. All that I had gone through brought me to a surer confidence in God. Blessings of abundance were poured out. Not because I deserved them, but because it is how God is, how He loves His children and rewards us when we diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

    When we reflect on life experiences and see how involved God is in our lives, how can we not see His faithfulness and His love? He will never desert us; His word gives us that promise over and over.

    And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. (Psalm 9:10 NIV)

    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39 ESV) 

  • Happy Birthday, Kristi

    Kristi as baby 001Forty nine years ago today, a beautiful little girl was born to me. It had been a difficult pregnancy, much of it spent in bed, but Kristi Leigh McClain entered this world with all ten fingers and all ten toes, a head full of black hair, and perfect form.

    She kept me waiting five weeks past my due date, following the pattern of my mother who had all three of her children weeks late. Because my pregnancy had been fraught with problems, Dr. Phillips felt this extra time was needed for Kristi’s well being. Some years after she was born, he told me of his expectation that I would not carry my baby to term, but would miscarry. He held a special affection for Kristi, feeling she was somewhat a miracle he helped bring into being.

    When my daughter was just seven years old, she came to me and said she wanted to give her heart to Jesus. The picture of us standing in the kitchen where that conversation happened is burned into my mind and heart forever—a precious memory. We went to her room, knelt by her bed and prayed the prayer that gave Kristi second birth. Her immersion baptism was in a pool of unheated water and she told me afterward that the water was cold, but when she came up it felt “so good.” I knew in my heart that Kristi’s feeling wasn’t about arising into a warmer temperature, but knowing the joy of being the Lord’s.

    From the beginning, Kristi had a sweet and compassionate spirit. Her nature was to give and share whatever she had; she would do without for another to have something they wanted. She forgave quickly and easily. And, of course, that sensitive heart often brought heartbreak from those who would take advantage.

    Kristi was always a good student and graduated high school a year early. Her college years further revealed her love for learning. Soon after graduation, she and her college sweetheart married and she became Mrs. Mark Hearn. Mark was sent straight from the Lord to love and stand beside her in the years to come, where Kristi would have one health issue after the other.

    I don’t think it is just a mother’s overprotective heart when I say Kristi has had more adversity than most. On quite a few occasions she has escaped death itself. The Lord brought her through a severe vaccine reaction as a child, a boating accident as a teen, a highway accident with a semi truck in young adulthood, cancer that was originally misdiagnosed a few years back, and the shutting down of her kidneys and cardiac arrest not quite two years ago. This is just a partial list, a list I’ve kept since her early childhood when I realized God had special angels watching over my child. She has suffered with chronic pain for 15 or more years. Yet through it all, her faith has remained strong and sure. She has never said, “Why me?” Rather, “God has a reason for this. He has always taken care of me and He always will.” She has used her health problems to witness to the God who has saved her time and again. She looks for opportunities to proclaim His goodness on each medical visit—and there are many.

    Thought it hurts a mother’s heart to see her child go through so much, it is a supreme joy to know her love for the Lord and her trust in Him. Many parents don’t know if their children have eternal security and I have the chief blessing of that assurance. Why Kristi has had trial after trial, I don’t know; I do know they have made her better and not bitter.

    Kristi at 17 001I love you, my darling daughter. I delight in your steadfast faith in the One who made you and called as His own at a very tender age. You are an example of courage and strength that comes from adversity when placed in the hands of the Lord.

    I celebrate you today as the beautiful gift you are. I love you more than anyone else on this earth; you come second only to God. Thank you for being my daughter and an example of faith under fire.

    In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV)

    Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 ESV)

  • A Tribute to Betty Jo

    I closed my eyes and could see her smiling and filled with joy.  She had made it home and she did it with courage and determination. Betty Jo Spencer Replogle completed her earth’s journey and at God’s perfect moment, He lifted her away from the world’s burdens and into heaven’s triumph.

    “Jo” was the youngest of my mother’s seven siblings. Just eight years older than I, she seemed more a sister than aunt. Jo was born after my parents married and Daddy liked to tease her that he had been in the family longer than she had. That never failed to bring on one of her quick, easy laughs.

    We all loved the laughter that peppered her conversations.  Jo had a great sense of humor even through tough times—and she had many. Her body knew several serious and unusual diseases, and for the most part, she coped with them as if they were nothing more than a common cold. Certainly, as with all of us, there were other tests in her life, but I believe it was the trials coupled with a faith which steadily grew that gave her the fortitude to cope as she did.

    Jim and Dulcie Spencer’s children were, and are, all good people. The steadfast faith of my grandparents was imparted and rooted well in each one of their children. Jo lived out their legacy in her 78 years by remaining true to her own salvation story. She never forgot the way to God’s house and when she and her family were to be there; she never forgot how to trust in the Almighty.  She was a faithful daughter, wife, mother, and grandmother. Her concerns were at all times focused on her family and doing all she could to make their life good.

    Thought she seemed too young to leave us, wishing her to stay, as sick as she was, would have been nothing but selfish. The last time I saw her, I knew she was making the transition home. I saw in her the same thing I saw in Mother before she died: she was in an intermediate place. Jo was still in her body, but her spirit had caught sight of heaven and eagerness drew her in that direction. Like Mother, it seemed in those last days when you spoke to Jo, you could call her back for a moment, but you couldn’t hold her for long. She saw Beulah Land. She saw the end of a long and hard struggle and a place where family awaited. She saw a place where Jesus beckoned.

    By way of a recording made years ago, her youngest son sang “He Touched Me” at the funeral. The beginning words speak of being “shackled by a heavy burden” and soon declare, “then the hand of Jesus touched me, and now I am no longer the same.”  For Jo, her shackling was a body weighed down and rapidly failing. The hand of Jesus touched her as He drew her into heaven and there placed a crown on her head with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” And truly, her life is so longer the same; she has reached Heaven’s glory.

    When Papa Jim, Jo’s father and my grandfather, died, Mama Dulcie noted in a journal, “Jim went home to be with Jesus today.” That’s what Betty Jo Spencer Replogle did on December 24, 2013. She went home to be with Jesus.

    We thank You, Lord, for her time with us and for her witness to Your presence in her life. BETTY_JO_S_GRADUATION_PICTU

    O Beulah land, sweet Beulah land!

    As on thy highest mount I stand,

    I look away across the sea

    Where mansions are prepared for me

    And view the shining glory shore

    My heaven, my home forever more.

                John R. Sweney (1837–1899)

  • Lift Up the Son of Man

    And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up. John 3:14 ESV

    We lift up the Son of Man when we understand who He is and gratefully come under Him as our Savior and Lord.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we declare our life a waste without Him.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we put aside self-centeredness to embrace Jesus-centeredness.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we tell others about Him, declaring His truth and His love.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we believe and love Him more today than yesterday.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we forgive what others do to us, knowing it is how He forgives us.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we forgive ourselves because he has forgiven us, and we desire to move forward with Him and not remain immobilized by sorrow and regret.

    We lift up the Son of Man when His presence delights us and we eagerly desire to share that Presence with others.

    We lift up the Son of Man when time spent with Him becomes our priority and we approach it as our favorite part of the day.

    We lift up the Son of Man when faith conquers fear, when we choose to believe in His goodness in our hour of trial.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we trust in His grace, when we keep our eyes on Him with expectation and wonder.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we recount our personal experiences with his power to save and to heal, when we witness to the certainty of who He is.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we choose Jesus at every decision point.

    We lift up the Son of Man when we exult in Him in worship and sing praises to His name.

    2 Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
    proclaim his salvation day after day.

    8 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name.

    Psalm 98 ESV

  • Why the Big Deal?

    I have concern for our young people and their lack of boundaries. One young celebrity after the other seeks to out-shock the last and our youth laugh and follow their lead. There is total disregard for the body being the temple of God; it is put on crude display in one disgusting way after the other.

    Yesterday a young man, a cashier in a department store, asked as he was checking me out if I was “very religious.”  When I replied that I was, he asked why there was such concern in the religious community for chastity. “Why is it such a big deal?” he asked.  The curious part of this conversation is we were total strangers. I cannot imagine what brought on such a question to an unknown customer and yet he seemed waiting to ask it of someone. So I told him why there was value in remaining pure—and he listened. He seemed intensely interested in what I had to say and said he hoped he hadn’t offended me. I told him that he had not and I was glad he had asked.

    I left the store wondering “what on earth was that?” My heart tells me it was a God-ordained moment. It was a huge risk for an employee to approach a customer the way he did, so I think he must have been truly wrestling with the question, and for some time. There was no one else around, so it gave him opportunity for a discussion. I know it was bearing on his mind because of how he pressed forward with his need to talk. Before he said anything, he laughed rather nervously and said he wanted to say something, but he didn’t want to offend me. I suggested that when in doubt, don’t. But he did anyway. I didn’t preach, I simply explained the difference in casual sex and keeping oneself for one person and the ecstasy in so doing that could never be found any other way. I asked if he wouldn’t want that for himself and he immediately nodded yes. He commented that it probably deepened a couple’s commitment to staying married. He received the message.

    A 70-year-old woman and a young man around 19, I would guess; unknown to one another, having a very bizarre conversation, totally unplanned.  God sure has His moments with us, doesn’t He?

    “Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.”

    Ephesians 4:19 NIV

  • Hurling Stones of Accusation

    A favorite Christian musician fell and he fell hard. People forgot the richness of his ministry and rushed to pick up stones to throw. Words were hurled in his direction: ugly accusing words, self-righteous words.

    Now he has returned and His love songs to God soar high just like before. His praise again leads in worship of the King in a way only the anointed of God can do.  God had the last word and it was a word of mercy and grace. It was a word of forgiveness and restoration. God isn’t about hurling stones, but redeeming the fallen. Lifting his children to new beginnings.

    I picture in my mind how quickly we line up to hurl our angry stones at one who has fallen. We look past our own sins and with puffed up egos, hurl out accusations. With pride, we dust off our hands and arrogantly walk away, forgetting who we are. Forgetting that we are just like the one who fell and we stoned with our words; we are creatures of flesh that will fall time and time again.

    Thanks be to God, it isn’t how the Lover of our Souls does things! He never walks away with the stone throwers, but stays behind to care for the wounded. He isn’t interested in piling on accusations, but restoring the one who fell.  God takes the side of the weak every time.

    Our Lord cares for the one gone astray and He asks us to do the same. He made a choice at Calvary, and because of that choice, we can count on being lifted from our own falls. We can count on His standing beside us as we face our accusers. We can count on God’s eternal protection of mercy and grace to see us home.

    Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load (Galatians 6:1-5 NIV).

    Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13 NIV).

    YOU ARE MY SAFE PLACE