Tag Archives: fear

Our Pandemic and Personal Decisions

15 Sunday Mar 2020

Posted by in Hearing God's Voice

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There sure are lots of opinions on what not to do and where not to go with the coronavirus pandemic. It seems we have a war of words and wisdom.  I’ve been thinking a lot about our world situation and want to add some thoughts of my own.

I have some friends who say they intend to do just as they’ve been doing; they don’t intend to start living their lives afraid. They are Christians and will trust God to protect them. I am also a Christian and I trust God to protect me every day in many situations. One of the last things I do at night is thank God for the protection He has provided during that day; I begin mornings with a prayer for protection for the new day and whatever may come.

But along with my prayers of petition and thanksgiving, I trust that God has also given me common sense and the ability to hear His guiding me in where I should go and what I should do. I don’t go into any day “just trusting.” I ask for guidance and then I listen to hear what I believe He is saying is right for me. I know I don’t always get it right and sometimes it is deliberate rebellion, I ashamedly admit.  Maybe not consciously, but I think I’ve already got it figured out, so onward I go. But, why pray, if I don’t believe I will receive an answer with intention to follow? I also know that how He advises me may not be the same way He advises another.

Let me say right off I don’t think there is a wrong or right in many things, but rather a sense of how you are being personally led to act. For example, I rarely go out at night and not because I’m afraid, but because there is an inner guidance that it is better for me to be inside my home once the sun has gone to bed and the stars come out. That’s not the same sense everyone has and I certainly respect that. I have a dear friend who thinks nothing of traveling from one end of this large city to the other after dark and alone. She says she isn’t alone, God is always with her. I believe and I trust that for her she is doing the right thing. God is also very much with me; I never feel without God for a single minute. The difference is she’s following what the Holy Spirit is telling her and I’m following what I believe He is telling me. Why is it different? I can’t say. It’s certainly not a matter of faith for me (and some have suggested that – that I should have more faith). Why my friend and I sense we are to do things differently would be a question only the Lord could answer. I assume there might be dangers around me that aren’t around Katherine. Dangers I don’t know about, but the Lord does. I do not live in my house afraid, but I do live cautiously.

So it is with the matter of the coronavirus. I will be more attentive to whether I need to be in a particular place and more watchful with how things are being handled. (Have you ever noticed that people in the grocery deli wear gloves but they touch absolutely everything in those gloves? The meat they slice for you, the scales they weight it on, and even the cash register in some stores?) I will wash my hands more as I’m opening doors that may have just been opened by others who haven’t seen soap and water for a while. I’m a big hugger, but I’ll probably do a little less of that for a while.

I realize, like most things, there will be little agreement on how this is to be handled. None of us knows all the things that lead another in making decisions and it’s sometimes more than just what medical opinion they have been given.

When I was growing up, there was little I feared. In fact, my mother would get quite frustrated and occasionally angry with me for being afraid of nothing – she said. Now I find myself in that “over 70” age group. My immune system isn’t what it used to be, neither is my pain threshold (goodness, did I ever have a very high one of those!) I’ve had some unexpected health issues in this past few year and will live with one for the rest of my life. It has to be treated with careful attention and treatment so I won’t take unnecessary chances.

However we decide to address our reaction and behavior to this pandemic, I do hope we all make educated and prayerful decisions.  I also hope we don’t forget that God gave great wisdom to medical professionals to help us, not confuse or scare us. I keep remembering a young woman who was diagnosed with colon cancer. Surgery was advised. She refused it, saying she had full faith that God would heal her. Her family pleaded with her to have the surgery, but Lori wouldn’t budge. That young wife and mother died, leaving behind a 16 year old daughter. I know she loved the Lord with all her heart and trusted to the end that He would heal her, but perhaps the healing He had in mind was by the hands of a surgeon He had blessed with knowledge and skill. There is, after all, more than one kind of healing testimony. Do I believe we can be healed by the direct intervention of God? Yes, I do. I’ve experienced it personally more than once.

Whatever we decide, let’s not make others feel ours is the only right decision. Let’s not push them to question their faith nor cause them to be unjustly afraid. Let’s not argue our position, whatever that is, and here I speak to myself more than anyone else. I know I’m a strong personality with strong opinions, so I’m resolving right now to monitor more what I say to another and not be so free with advice.  I’ll continue to ask God to help us all get through this very tough time, and above all, to love and be kind to one another as we make the journey.

Looking Back at a Memorable Patient

15 Monday Jul 2019

Posted by in healthcare stories

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There’s so much bad news today, I thought a little sharing of personal heroes might be in order. During the years I worked for Methodist Healthcare (1983-1998), my primary responsibilities were to patient concerns, patient rights, and medical ethics. I got to know some terrific individuals and wrote about many of them. I believed the sharing of patient perspectives helped us react more like a small community rather than a large hospital. Everyone does better when they understand another’s perspective. The stories were first shared internally and then with the medical community at large through my column, “Patient Perspective,” in the Memphis Healthcare News. I’ve pulled a few stories, in no particular order, to share with you. This one is very dated, but our need to understand and respect one another never changes. This couple taught us a lot about that. It was written in December of 1988. 

There are those particular patients whose stories we file away in our memory book. Then, from time to time, we draw on the lessons they taught through their demonstration of great courage, kindness, or even wit. There is one patient I remember who met all those qualifications.

I first became involved with him due to his extreme fear of contracting AIDS. He and his wife came to our hospital armed with their own can of disinfectant, and his wife cleaned the bathroom and telephone again – just to be sure.

The patient and his wife, both in their late 60’s, enjoyed one of those marriages that was a sheer delight to observe. As we got to know each other, his wife told me they had both had previous marriages that came apart in the early 1940’s. She said her first husband left to get a haircut one day and just never came back. So, for six years, the second husband made her go with him every time he got a haircut! Then she laughed that happy, throaty laugh of hers, and you could imagine the whole scene taking place.

There were a number of hospitalizations and other visits to our hospital. One day, the patient had been in to get blood and I met him and his wife as they were leaving the hospital. They stopped to speak and give me a quick hug, but then said they had to hurry along. “I’ve just been given the blood of an 18 year old, and I want to get my wife right home” said the patient.

During the time of one hospitalization, the patient decided he would leave a little test for the housekeepers: he put one tiny piece of paper in each of the four corners of his bathroom. The housekeeper passed the test, but one of the patient’s daughters said the housekeeper should have left them where they were with one word written on each paper scrap: (1) I’ve (2) cleaned (3) this (4) bathroom.

The most memorable happening of all, though, came in his first hospitalization. This beautiful human being, full of love and wit, called in all of his grandchildren to talk to them. (As I recall, their ages ranged from about 12 to mid-20’s.) He told them he wanted to be serious just for a minute and then he explained his condition and that he knew his long years of smoking were to blame. He said “Granddaddy should be up playing with you now, and not lying in this bed. If I had taken care of my body, that’s what I would be doing. So I want you to promise me, while each one of you still has a healthy body, to respect it and take care of it. Don’t ever be foolish enough to put yourself where I am now.” With that, he dismissed the time for serious conversation, and became, once again, the life of the party.

Yes, there were times when the patient and his wife might have been seen as ‘difficult’ for staff as they struggled to hold on to the months of life he had left. But surely, there’s not a one of us that felt we could ever put a mark against such a courageous couple.

This was a man and woman who helped us laugh when their hearts were breaking; who held close to each other and taught us lessons about love and left us with memories that bless our days of reflection. The patient was one of those individuals who lives on in each and every person he ever touched, and if there were a hall of fame for patients, we would place his picture there.

 

When You’ve Prayed All You KnowTo Pray

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in prayer

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I wrote this almost six years ago on what to do when we have prayed everything we know to pray. I post it again today for a friend who is feeling that way.

JESUS

Jesus.  Jesus.  Jesus.
Sometimes that is the only prayer I have – and it is enough.
When I’m waiting for an answer that doesn’t come and I know no more prayers to pray, I utter His name — Jesus.
When the night is long and I can’t sleep, I whisper — Jesus.
When I’ve lost my way, I cry out to the One who has not lost me.  I pray — Jesus.
When I’m tired and I can’t see rest ahead, when all strength is gone, I breathe His name — Jesus.
When I am in pain, I remember the One who can heal, and I plead — Jesus.
If I’m afraid, I bear in mind that I have a Shield whose name is — Jesus.
He is my Savior and my Lord, my Shelter and my Comforter.
He gives me sanctuary under His wing and supplies me with restoration and peace.
He is the Holy Lamb of God, the One who comes with compassion and new hope.
He is my Faithful Friend and the Radiant Light on this earth’s journey.
He is the Way of all righteous, the ever-abiding Truth, and the Life of love and joy.
He is the Mighty and Eternal God

Behavior Speaks Louder Than Words

28 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by in communication

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Now it was time to wait. I had come to receive treatment for a newly diagnosed eye condition. I was alone and with nothing to distract, I began watching and listening to the people around me.

My eyes moved around the waiting room and took in the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs; the patients accompanied by family or friends. I thanked God that I didn’t need walking aid and was able to drive myself to the clinic. I wondered about each person there. Was theirs a longstanding situation or were they dealing with a new diagnosis as I was?

One lady sitting in a wheelchair across from me seemed asleep, but then she suddenly began saying to the two ladies with her that she wanted to go home. Did she want to go home because she wasn’t feeling well? Was she dreading what she might hear today? Her companions didn’t seem too concerned and barely acknowledged that she had spoken. They appeared to be working from a list of people, calling each one to leave a message of concern and express their love for them. Yet here was this lady right there with them receiving little of their attention. Isn’t it the way with people; we look for some good act to do when there is an immediate need right in front of us?

The staff moved about through hallways and doorways at a fast clip. Each one was focused on the work that was theirs to do. They were professional and friendly, having no side conversations with one another that didn’t involve patient care. Their demonstration of being highly skilled in patient and family interaction was impressive. They had either been hired well or trained well. Most likely, both had occurred.

I’m a people watcher by nature, but I become even more so when I’m in a healthcare environment. For more than 25 years I worked in healthcare and that has made me overly sensitive to staff that isn’t professional. In fact, I was at this very clinic because the first ophthalmologist I saw had a staff that interacted playfully with one another but very little with their patients. The physician was rushed into each room by staff and it felt somewhat like I was on an assembly line. After three visits, I determined to find a better fit. This was my eyesight we were dealing with and I needed the utmost confidence in every player involved with my care.

Did you know that over 90% of communication is considered non-verbal? What a person “hears” involves body language, tonality, and attitude. When I began teaching communication techniques in 1984, Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist and founder of the Mind/Body Medical Institute at Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, graded it as over 90% even then. That old adage of “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care” is sound advice.

I left the clinic grateful to have found a physician and staff that care about how they represent themselves to patients.  That lets me and the others I watched in that waiting room relax into their care. We can come with confidence that highly skilled people are taking care of us and that goes a long way in how well we deal with our particular healthcare situations.

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Secret Place of Prayer

26 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by in prayer

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English pastor Samuel Chadwick (1860-1932) was a highly regarded teacher of prayer. He said this: “It is in the secret place we learn that silence is the best speech and listening is the best part of prayer.”

Drawing near to the Lord in solitude and quiet is a discipline—and not an easy one for many of us to acquire. Chadwick said he took nothing but his Bible when he withdrew into that alone place with God. No hymn book, no list of prayer needs, no list of people who needed intercession. It wasn’t that he didn’t sing to the Lord and pray as he had committed to pray, but when he went into his secret place, it was to listen and not speak.

Years ago, I served on a board with a woman who would suddenly leave our group and go away somewhere. I would see Ellen quickly stand and leave our gathering, never while we were convened in meeting, but in other times when we were together. I asked Ellen about this and she said sometimes she would feel an urgent need to hear God on a matter that was troubling her and she was scurrying away to find a place of solitude where she could be alone with Him and receive direction.

When I was a college student, there was a chapel in the basement of our library, which was right next to my dorm. The chapel was quite small and the entrance was secluded. I found it to be an ideal place to spend alone time with God.

In hospitals, chapels are provided for those hurting over what loved ones are experiencing in illness. Or, maybe they are afraid of a coming diagnosis or prognosis. When only miracles will do, we visit God with greater fervor that when life is going along well. Probably, we are never more surrendered than when we are frantic regarding an outcome.

Andrew Murray gives five essential elements of prayer:

  1. The heart’s desire
  2. The expression of that desire in prayer
  3. The faith that carries the prayer to God
  4. The acceptance of God’s answer
  5. The experience of the desired blessing

Of the five essentials, perhaps it is the fourth one that we deal with most effectively when we have learned to draw near to God in solitude. This will require practice. The desperate heart wants God do as is asked and will make the case to God for why that answer should be a certain way. But it is the one practiced in intimacy that will be able to give all over to God’s will and trust that His will is the very best possible answer. It is that child of God devoted to time alone with the Father that will find peace in accepting God’s answer.

“In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there” (Mark 1:35 NASB).

 

Photo courtesy of Mark Hearn.

Bullying: A Behavior not to be Ignored

25 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in aggressive behavior

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I don’t understand bullying. Why deliberately set out to hurt someone? And why is it a behavior seen too often in children?

One of my earliest memories is of a shiny little red purse I had at about age 4. I dropped the purse and the few coins I had in it spilled out. An older girl quickly picked up the change and then laughed because she had taken it from me.

I tutor second grade children and some of them have confided in me about times they were bullied. One child, in running away from the one spouting hurtful words, fell and broke her arm.

My daughter had her share of bullying in school. There was one classmate in particular who bullied and I tried talking to the mother. She simply dismissed it, saying she knew her daughter would not do such a thing. It continued, of course. Only when Kristi’s dad went to the child’s father and very firmly insisted he deal with his daughter, did the bullying stop.

Why do children bully? It may come from having been physically or emotionally abused. It could be that one of the parents is a bully and the child is acting out what has been seen at home. It may also be from feeling left out at home, school, or other social event and the individual is being a bully to get attention.

Research says that bullying begins at preschool age and, if not addressed, worsens through the school years. A bully left undisciplined will be attracted to gangs and a high percentage of bullies become criminals by their mid-twenties. It is not a conduct to be taken lightly, or to assume a child will grow out of the overly aggressive behavior on their own.

What can be done to protect children from being bullied? Here are suggestions from “Psychology Today” (www.psycholgytoday.com):

  1. Avoid the bully
  2. Use a buddy system (stay near a friend or two)
  3. Hold your anger and don’t retaliate; that is exactly what the bully wants to provoke
  4. Maintain eye contact and keep your voice calm and even
  5. Use the bully’s name when addressing their behavior
  6. Act bravely by walking away; try to ignore the bully
  7. Tell an adult early on. This is not tattling but is what the bully will try to make you think it is.
  8. Talk about it with a parent or older person who will give you support and love.

My heart aches for any child being bullied, but I also ache for the one who bullies, because I know that a child who continuously bullies is broken. Something very deep-seated is hurting in any individual who wishes harm or ridicule for another. It may not be easy, but as followers of Christ, we must remember to pray for the one who bullies, as well as for the one being bullied. Prayer is a mighty weapon; I know of one case where prayer alone turned a situation around.

The Loaves & the Fish, the Storm-tossed Sea

14 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by in God's faithfulness

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Scriptures in Matthew 14:13-21 and Mark 6:30-44 tell the story of how Jesus fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Only men were counted in that day, so we know significantly more than 5,000 people were fed. We can be sure that Jesus didn’t leave the women and children hungry. And after each person was filled, there was enough bread and fish left to fill twelve baskets.

Let’s think in the fullest sense of this miracle and not hurry over a story we have known since childhood. The truths of God need to settle into our minds and hearts and form a solid foundation of faith for the trials that come to all of us. There is less sting in our trials when we can immediately reflect on who God is and what He can do.

Scripture tells us after feeding of the thousands, Jesus immediately sent the disciples on ahead by boat while He went alone to a mountainside be in prayer. We know He was there for hours because scripture talks of “when evening came” (John 14:23 and Mark 6:47). Then we see another reference to time when it says Jesus went to the disciples “during the fourth watch of the night” (John 14:24 and Mark 6:48). The fourth watch of the night was between 3 and 6 a.m.

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The disciples were far out on the sea when it became storm-tossed. The Greek word used for measuring distance was stadia–an eighth of a mile or 660 feet. Some Bible translations say “many stadia” or “over a mile.”  My intention here is to have us see how physically far away Jesus was from the disciples when they found themselves in trouble  and how they probably thought Jesus was unaware of their plight. Surely, they must have felt alone and without hope—just as we sometimes feel today. Yet . . . Jesus knew! There is never a distance so great that we are separated from the Lord when we are His children.

These stories reveal to us quite a few things:

  • God has great compassion for every child of His.
  • There is nothing He cannot do.
  • We need quantities of time alone with God: to ponder what He has done for us, to give Him more than a nod of thank you, and to be strengthened for future trials.
  • Time alone with God should be a priority, as it was with Jesus.
  • We should not rush our alone time with God, but rather, linger as long as we can.
  • God is never skimpy with His love. When His answers come, we can count on added blessing.
  • No one is overlooked with God. He has no partiality with stations in life as man does.
  • We are not to waste what God has given. Our leftover fish and bread may be in sharing the struggles of our life and how God saw us through. Never fail to share how God provides.
  • We are never alone; He always knows where we are and will come to us at just the right time.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  — Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

The Weight of Our Prayers

05 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by in prayer

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When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.           —Isaiah 43:2 (ESV)

Yesterday, I leafed though a Bible I had not used in a while. I have a habit of writing prayers on small pieces of paper and tucking them in between the pages of whatever Bible I’m using and this Bible had quite a few of those prayer notes.

When I write out my requests, I add a scripture for praying about the concern, then date it. I noticed as I sorted through my prayer notes, some had dates with a few words indicating progress. Still others the date when my prayer was answered, along with expressions of joy and gratitude.

file00074226366What caught my interest was when I realized how the weight attached to those prayers had changed over time. Some of the prayers have yet to be answered and when initially written, the weight seemed overwhelming. Yet today, though the needs are still there and important to me, the heaviness has lessened. Somewhere along the way, frantic fear was replaced with peaceful acceptance of whatever was the end result. Along the journey of praying and trusting, God brought me to places of sweet release.

Many of those prayer notes had been written when much in my life seemed out of order and definitely out of my control. I was afraid for many things, and as a result, fear framed my prayers. I clearly remembered the level of my anxiety with many of them and how hard it was to keep pushing through.

“Pushing through” faith is what keeps us hopeful. It can also keep us safe from making bad decisions. Our years of walking with the Lord make us stronger and serves as reference points when we need them. We lean into the memories of other hard times we’ve had and how God’s grace got us through.

In reflecting on those prayer notes written several years ago, I know that no matter how grim something may seem at the time, help will come. The prayer may be answered just as I pray and even better than I pray. Or, I may still be praying for an answer years later. But this I know for sure: if I don’t get the answer I hope for, God will give me the strength and courage to manage what is. I know this because He has proven it to me over and over. file000551198693

There is only one secure foundation: a genuine, deep relationship with Jesus Christ, which will carry you through any and all turmoil. No matter what storms are raging all around, you’ll stand firm if you stand on His love.                                              –Dr. Charles Stanley, “In Touch Ministries”            

(Pictures courtesy of morgueFile, under “prayer”)

Handling Nighttime Fear

14 Thursday May 2015

Posted by in nighttime fear

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Nighttime fear is a common plague with many. Everything seems worse in the dark. Darkness gives the sense that we are more alone than when the light of day gathers ‘round us. When others are sleeping and there is no one to talk to or distract us, our imagination can run wild. Personally, there is only one practice that delivers me from nighttime fear and that is prayer on my knees. I can lie in bed and pray, but it won’t be the same. There is a different solace altogether when I bow before God. When I am willing to leave the comfort of a warm bed, I am saying to Him I am serious about my need for His help. It is an act of humility, a demonstration that I know we are not equal and I am to be in submission to Him. And here is the good news: I cannot remember a single time when praying on my knees failed to bring peace. Mama and me 001I had a grandmother who taught me to pray on my knees. She never told me I should—just showed me. Praying on her knees beside her bed at night and praying on her knees for me when I was sick are deeply etched memories. She had no confusion about who God was or how to relate to Him. Jesus was her best friend. She talked to Him aloud throughout the day and as far as I could tell, never once doubted that He would take her through anything. Her faith was rock solid and uncomplicated. When her husband, my grandfather, died, she made this simple notation in a book: Jim went to be with Jesus today.  As I write this, I know there are some who can’t get on their knees for one very real reason or another. Not an act of defiance or laziness, but due to physical disability. Toward the end, my grandmother couldn’t do it either. But for all those years it was possible, she made it her practice. If you awake because worries are gnawing away at you, why not give praying on your knees a try? And if you are physically unable to bow before the King of Kings, spend a little time bringing yourself into a mental bowing before you begin to pray. I believe you will see the difference.

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for  he is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under his care. —Psalm 95:6-7 (NIV)

[Jesus] withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed. –Luke 22:41 (NIV)